Chrono Trigger: A family outing
by Zeros
Summary: What happens when Slash, Flea, and Ozzie, take little Janus out for lunch.


Chrono Trigger:  
A Family outing  
  
  
  
Air conditioning flowed out of the door as Slash, Flea, and Ozzie stepped into the   
crowded McDonalds, Flea holding little Janus' hand.  
"Ahh, fresh, cool air!" said Flea, joyously.  
"Quit yer' prancing, Flea" said Ozzie in his blubbery voice," and don't embarass us in  
public like last time."  
"Shut yer' mouth Ozzie!"  
Slash stood silently, and shook his head, before finally speaking. "Children, and I  
dont mean Janus, should we order, or just stand in the door?"  
"Hey," cried Flea, "It's not my fault we had to take Ozzie's car."  
"Yes it is!" both Ozzie and Slash yelled together.  
"How so?"  
"I seem to recall a certain he-she using fire magic on a certain blue swordsman's   
car!" Ozzie said accusingly.  
"HE PISSED ME OFF!"  
"Whatever, should we order or not?"  
"FIne!"  
The four of them stepped up to the counter. The cashier boy stood, perplexed and scared.  
"uhh, welcome to M-m-m-McDOnalds, can I t-t-take your order?"  
"Yes well have-"  
"Hey you said I could order." shouted flea, interrupting Ozzie.  
"What the hell is wrong with you Flea?! Do you have a problem with everything I do?!"  
Flea stood inmdignantly quiet.  
Sighing deeply, Ozzie continued. "Okay, I'll have 30 big Macs and-"  
"*cough*-Whaaat!?!!?"  
"You heard me, 30 big macs! And a small order of fries."  
He stopped for a moment. "Hey Slash, what do you want."  
"I'll get a salad shaker."  
"SInce when are you a vegetarian."  
"I'm not, the food here sucks."  
"Well you suggested it!"  
"I suggested it when my alternative was your home cooking."  
"What's wrong with my cooking?!"  
"Perhaps you'll recall, Ozzie, that there were four of us generals, until   
the last time we tried your home cooking."  
"Hey, that pizza was an ancient reptite recipe."  
"No, it was an ancient human recipe, that was made of reptites."  
Ozzies face became greener than normal. "oh. uhh.. woops."  
Once again, Slash shook his head.  
"And uh, what will, she, or uh, he or um-" stuttered the cashier boy trying to decide  
which to call Flea  
"I'm not getting anything."  
"Flea," Slash asked inquisitively, "whats wrong?"  
"What's wrong? What's wrong is I'm paying the bill you a-holes."  
"Really?" Ozzie asked joyfully!  
"Yes, you spent all of your money buying that lever that drops YOU into the trap door   
if it's pulled."  
"What? Why would I do that?"  
"Cuz' you have the intelligence quotient of a ham sandwich." Slash interjected.  
"Fine then," said the cashier boy noticing a line forming behind the idiotic foursome,"  
What'll the kid have."  
"I want blooood."  
Everyone within earshot stared at little Janus.  
Flea stooped down and whispered in Janus' ear. "Janus, ixnay on the oodblay."  
"-And a goat spleen!" cried little Janus.  
"Heh heh, little tike," interjected ozzie," Hell have fifteen kid's meals."  
Staring at Ozzie's immense girth, the cashier didn't answer.  
"OKay, I'll get he order, Slash. Flea. You take Janus and find us a booth.  
"But Ozzie, you won't fit in a booth." protested Flea.  
"Do as I say!"  
Ten minutes later A booth had been found, and Slash Flea and Janus were waiting for Ozzie  
to return with their food. Slash and Flea sat on one side, and Janus would have to share with  
Ozzie.   
FInally Ozzie came with a tray of food. More precisely five trays. He sat in the seat   
opposite Slash and Flea, and a small cry came from Janus as he was crushed beneath Ozzie.  
"Ozzie, get up!"  
"What?"  
"You're sitting on Janus!"  
"Oops."  
Ozzie got up and pulled Janus out from beneath him, and put him back on the seat. He   
then carefully sat down. The booth flipped over, sending Flea and Slash onto the table   
adjacent to them. "This is why we dont get booths, Ozzie." said Slash. They quickly moved.  
"Well," Ozzie said, pulling all the food to himself," Dig in."  
Five minutes later, Ozzie had devoured 20 of the big macs, and a small chunk of the table.  
Slash had finished his salad and was tearing into Janus' happy meals.  
"What are you doing Slash?" Flea asked.  
Slash answered by removing several packaged toys, ripping the bags open, and setting  
the toys up.  
"Damn it Slash, quit playing with the toys. What are you, a three year old!" Screamed   
Ozzie.  
"Shut up, it's fun!"  
Meanwhile, Janus was trying to get his hands on one of the big macs, just as Ozzie raked in some   
more of them. Janus was caught in the flow and was quickly pulled into Ozzie's mouth.  
"Oh my god!" screamed Slash.  
"Ozzie, don't swallow!"  
Ozzie paused, wide-eyed, as he realized what he'd done. Suddenly his whole body flared   
with electricity. Janus had used a spell. Ozzies great Jowls hung open, trying to get air in.  
Janus crawled out, and hopped back into his seat. He took the opportunity to grab the last   
remaining big mac.  
The cashier boy came around the corner and approached the table, just as Janus bit into  
burger, and a look of happiness overcame his face.  
"I'm sorry, sirs, but we're getting complaints about your behavior,"he said sweeping all  
the half eaten food, and trash into a garbage bag,"so you'll halve to leave." It was now that he   
reached over and pulled the burger from Janus' mouth.  
"Nooooooooo!!"All three of the generals cried out in unison.  
An explosion over took the Mcdonalds, and left only rubble. In the center, the only survivors,  
Slash, Flea, Ozzie, and Janus, whose eyes were glowing red, looked around at the destruction   
around them.  
"See, I knew we should have eaten at home." said Ozzie.  
"Shut up Ozzie, there's a Taco Bell right over there, Flea, you're still paying." said  
Slash.  
"Jackass."retorted Flea.  
  
  
THE WORLD ENDED TEN   
MINUTES LATER WHEN  
JANUS BURNED HIS   
MOUTH ON SOME FIRE  
SAUCE 


End file.
